oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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