turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
