when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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