The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
