i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
