Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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