She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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