dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
A+ Viking dick
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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