take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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