A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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