And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
