i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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