I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
