it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
