The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
