Plan B is the new Plan A
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
