I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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