Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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