if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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