He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i barfeds in our rink
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
