hotel room ftw
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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