Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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