Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
