so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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