My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
