So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
