somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
