Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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