Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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