so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you win again, gameday.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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