Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
