just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
