i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
