Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
