I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
