i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
