What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
