One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
