Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
