I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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