Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
