Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have fence marks all over my body
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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