Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
