a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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