mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
