Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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