I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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