If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
