I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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