I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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